8 Metrics Fitness Trackers Should Give Triathletes

8 Metrics Fitness Trackers Should Give Triathletes


– Well you know I could write
about heart rate monitor and step counting and sleep quality
but that’s really pedestrian (whoosh) Sir that canned food was
meant to feed the hungry. (whoosh) These are the things that go
on inside my head when people ask for perfectly legitimate requests. Mornin Trainiacs last month I
was asked to write an article for active network about
triathlon metrics and I was like well you know I could write
about heart rate monitor and step counting and sleep quality
but that’s really pedestrian like frankly decades ago
that stuff was invented so normals could track how fit they were but these metrics haven’t
kept pace I think with the super human capabilities of
all of us Trainiacs out there So what I presented to
active.com wasn’t just your old namby pamby training data
article no I gave them the eight data points that an honest
Garmin would tell us Trainiacs. For instance forget about like
the amount of sleep we get or the sleep quality that we
get how about something that actually matters like
how our sleep quality affects the other ones in
our life and for instance the scale could be on a range of
your wife can’t start binge watching Orange is the New
Black past seven o’clock because you’re gonna fall asleep. – You know the sun’s still up right? – Oh I know – All the way to if you
flash your headlights in your neighbor’s living room one more
time at 5:10am you’re gonna have a lawsuit on your hands. (upbeat music) These things would be nice
to know right? There’s more. Now calories burned in a day
for a triathlete it’s a useless metric just assume it’s a
lot we’re gonna burn a lot we’re also gonna eat a lot
how about we give our family members some bit of context
for how hungry we are so they know how dangerous we
are to be around when we come home from work they can
all get a notification and we’ll see a metric along
the lines of like give Tridad at least 30 minutes so he’s
had a chance to empty out all the cupboards and drawers all the way to, children hide your toys and
anything else that can fit in Tridad’s mouth because he might
put them in there and choke. And while we’re on the subject of eating, I think that calories taken
in isn’t necessarily totally useless I think that it just
needs to be put into some context of how we can apply
it to our day to day lives. We’re adults we don’t need this
macronutrients micronutrient total calories in total calories
out complicated formula. And you might as well try and
decipher the hermetic code no give me something I
can use so for instance I think the metric of what
you ate in a day should be on a scale of something
along the lines of like Sir that canned food was
meant to feed the hungry to you just put an all you
can eat buffet out of business #lifegoals and also I think
the devices out there that give you step counters for
triathletes just total hogwash. I want the feats that we put
our bodies through every single day to be on a scale that makes us feel like the powerful superhumans that we are. When I get home I want my fitness tracker to say something along the lines of Today Tridad you traveled
the distance equivalent to 1/17th the length of Marco
Polo’s journey through Asia and you picked up a
stravasection from New York to Timbuktu while doing it. How good would we feel about
ourselves if that’s what we were hearing at the end of the day right? Now speaking of strava you
know there’s like the different body types out there like the
ectomorph and the endomorph and the mesomorph like tall
lanky or short and squat how bout we get a similar sort
of reading for what type of Strava athlete we are I mean
you could have Queen of the Win Doping or King of the Side
of the Road Bathroom Breaks Hard Starter and a Poor
Finisher or my personal favorite Phenomenal Sprinter but only
if you’ve done wheel sucking throughout the entire rest of the ride. (upbeat music) Not gonna name names but this guy And also all these triathlon
watches that are incorporating like swim metrics into the
watch readings yeah those are designed for actual
swimmers meter swim distance per stroke swim gulf score what
real age grouper triathlete is worried about all these
things when really all we’re concerned with doing is getting
to the other end of the pool You fitness tracker jerks how
about some metrics for us age group triathletes that
swim like French Bulldogs K Like for instance when you
finish a workout you can get a reading along the lines of
congratulations the lifeguard didn’t even have to get off
his perch more than once because he thought you were drowning. – Don’t worry don’t worry I’ve got it – You do you
– We’re good we’re good – You’ll look good the entire time well good relatively speaking. Or a metric of the number of
gallons of water that you have to spit out of your lungs to
clear it all out after a swim. Huh next thing resting heart
rate that is so 1990’s. any triathlete worth their
weight in Epsom salts is gonna be able to tell you within a
beat or two what their average beats per minute are
something more today people is a resting social media tracker How many times have you got
kudos on your last Strava ride? How many likes do you have on
your latest Instagram post? How many comments do you have
on your latest Slowtwitch post Is there a new Triathlon
Taren vlog up yet? Oh by the way hit the
little bell down there and turn on the notifications
if you don’t wanna miss it. I mean we could have this
metric easily on a scale of my 14 year old niece doesn’t
check her Snapchat as much as you look at your phone all the way to if you voted in an online
contest every single time that you checked your phone you could have easily insured that Clay Aiken had won American Idol dammit he so deserved it. And then finally with voice
recognition software growing by leaps and bounds every
single month it seems like why don’t we actually
take our conversations and help us triathletes
basically just be better humans with the non-triathlete
humans in our lives Like for instance the voice
recognition software could give us an indication of how
often we talk triathlon with non-triathletes out there the
scale would be for instance something like dude you’ve
told me about your Ironman 12 times this week to – So you wouldn’t believe
what was on my bum when I took my cycling bib shorts
off like it was crazy. – In what world is it okay to tell a coworker about your saddle sores? Now Trainiacs you know what I’m
not saying that I don’t like fitness trackers I’m just
saying there are some opportunities out there
to improve upon them and make them more triathlon specific. If you’re interested in
that article from active.com I will link it below thank
you for watching and listening to me rant and talk
about nonsensical things these are the things
that go on inside my head when people ask for
perfectly legitimate requests like hey can you write
about fitness trackers. Sure watch me thank you for
tuning into my craziness Trainiacs and if any of you
aren’t subscribed please do so so you can get more
daily triathlon goodness Now gonna go warm up Triathlon Taren HQ and insulate them walls so cold out there.

22 comments on “8 Metrics Fitness Trackers Should Give Triathletes

  1. Sylvia Eeckman Post author

    "King of the side of the road bathroom breaks" sounds eerily familiar. Also: 'tri-dad'? I feel like I missed something here…

    Reply
  2. Lewis Beck Post author

    Love the n+1 and d-1 (n= number of bikes you have today and d= the number of bikes that will end in divorce) for calculating the optimum number of bikes….. can also be applied to hours trained, time spent talking about triathlon and time spent hanging out with tri buddies

    Reply
  3. Boris Markus Post author

    That was great! but the one you missed is the time we need after finishing an event to the time a conversation can be had with us. Coming across a finish line and having someone ask me how are you feeling right then and their….

    Reply
  4. Jaime Rodriguez Post author

    Taren!! Military service member here and going to the gym is part of our morning physical fitness. Along with other non triathlon specific type workouts. As I look to try and complete my first triathlon, what are some workouts I can do in the gym to help with preparation. Maybe a video of what you do at the gym??

    Reply
  5. Eric Banaszewski Post author

    The comment about the lifeguard hit close to home… First triathlon one of the kayak rescue people was following right behind me asking if I needed saved… I need you to get away from me MA'AM… but seriously don't go too far I might die.

    Reply
  6. Trevor Gray Post author

    Taren you missed a metric " How long is water going to keep coming out of my nose and ears after a swim "

    Reply

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